What The Hell Just Came Out Of Me?

So remember how I said my postpartum recovery sucked? Well here's what happen. After I got all stitched up and everything it was fine. The normal amount of blood, I guess. Every time I went to the bathroom I just bled so much. And the thing that no one tells you, is that when you are ready to take your first after birth poop, take some pain medicine before. Especially if you got stitches like I did. That first poop is terrifying because there's still so much blood (well at least for me there was) and I didn't know where anything was down there! Like seriously, I had a belly for the past 9 months!
So it's been about four weeks after I gave birth and the blood is still coming out like crazy. And I was breast feeding so the blood was suppose to be starting to stop around 4-6 weeks. So then it's six weeks after I have birth, and still so much blood. And now I was starting to get cramps. And I knew it wasn't my period because when your breastfeeding you don't have a period. So I call the doctor and she says that maybe I just have a lot of blood left in me and it's not as much as I think it is but it was. So now it's 8 weeks after I gave birth and I'm still bleeding! I was starting to get worried. So a few days later I was getting ready for work my mom was on her way over and I stand up to go get Nico and all I feel is major cramps. Then (thank god I had a pad on) I feel something coming out. (Down there!) and I rushed to the bathroom and it already came out on the pad. It seriously looked like a piece of an organ! So I start crying and I'm like "what the hell is that!?" So I showed my mom (so gross I know but seriously she just watched me give birth) so I call the doctor and I'm like "so something just came out of my vagina and it looks like an organ." So the doctor says "come in right away, and bring whatever came out of you" so I put it in a plastic bag and got dressed, my mom stayed with Nico thank god, and I went to the doctor. So I get to the doctor and I show her what came out of me and she says "I can honestly say I've never seen anything like that in my life" and immediately  I thought I myself oh my god it's like an alien or something!!! Like I was seriously terrified. So they send it out for testing and a few days later I get a phone call and the doctor says "it was the lining of my uterus that you shed when you have your period. It all accumulated in one spot and then came out all at once." Which to me makes no sense because I thought that when your bleeding no matter what the shedding/lining is coming out. But whatever. So I go and get an ultrasound (an internal one too) and there's nothing left up there now that they can see. So then a few weeks later I stopped bleeding. So needless to say, I'm kind of scared to have another baby.

Scared...

So now that Nico is here, he's home, he's healthy (Thank God) I can honestly say that I was terrified. I knew what to do in every situation but I was just scared. All the time. I didn't want to leave the house, ever. If I didn't have to leave believe me I didn't. I wanted to stay inside with my little man. Partially because I'm such a nervous wreck all the time but also partially because I didn't want him getting sick. I was a very very sick baby from just a few weeks to a few months old,  so I'm sure that had a lot to do with it. I can honestly say that I had a little bit of post partum depression. Nothing serious, I didn't have bad thoughts or I wasn't going to hurt my new baby nothing crazy like that I was just so scared to leave the house. Especially with Nico. I think I got over that around when he was 8 weeks old and I had to start getting ready to go back to work. I was also breastfeeding. Which I am a huge believer in!  I pumped and pumped and pumped. I had a difficult time with it but I still did it as long as I could. I wanted him to have as much breast milk as possible. Especially because they say it helps with losing weight and we had our wedding just 12 weeks after he was born. Being a first time mom at just 21 years old was scary, to say the least. Thank god he was an amazing newborn and just slept all the time. We really lucked out!

He's Here...Now What?

So after he was out and I got all stitched up, I was thinking to myself, okay here here. Now what do I do? My husband and I were in awe, to say the least. We could not believe that we made him. He's all ours now. Right away I felt my maternal instincts kick in. I knew this is what I was meant to do my whole life. I was meant to be a mom. I was terrified and excited at the same time. Now I was responsible for this little human being. My husband was great. He changed all the diapers while I was recovering in the hospital, and after of course. But I didn't change a diaper until he was about a week old because I was in so much pain and bleeding so heavily. (This was just the beginning if my horrible postpartum experience) so while we're in the hospital so many wonderful people came to welcome our new baby boy into the world. It was amazing. Then a few days later it was time to leave and go home and be parents. For real. Being in the hospital was easy, everyone was always there and the nurses were amazing! (By the way when your in the hospital take everything, diapers, wipes, blankets, formula, everything. They will restock it every time they come in to check on the baby and you.) Now it's time to take our baby boy home. The most nerve wracking car ride you will every take by the way. I think we did about 30 mph the whole way home and didn't care one bit. Thank god the hospital put the carseat in for us and showed my husband how to do everything otherwise we still might be there today (Just Kidding Babe!) 

ITS SHOWTIME!

WARNING! GRAPHIC TEXT BELOW!

So after 12 hours of this horrific CervaDil thing was in the doctor took it out then about an hour later comes and checks me again and says "okay well now your 2 centimeters dilated." I was in complete shock. I thought I was going to be at least 4, but no. I was 2 stinking little centimeters. I was so pissed off I was about to just start pushing. I was in so much pain and so tired I knew I wasn't going to be able to give birth anytime soon if I didn't get some sleep. So after all that bull crap happened I was finally in what they call "Labor" like seriously I thought I was in labor for the past 13 hours but no I wasn't, that was called preterm labor. Yea stupid I know but what are you gonna do. So when they finally moved me into the Birthing Room, I demanded an epidural. I needed to relax and get some sleep or else I knew the most horrible thing was going to happen...a C-Section. and I was not having that. So they finally gave me the epidural and I finally fell asleep for 4 blissful pain free hours. It was like I died and went to heaven. I was so relieved. Then the nurse comes in and breaks my water and then I finally started to dilate. when she broke my water I was only 3 centimeters and an hour later I was 7, then another hour later, IT WAS SHOW TIME! 10 centimeters and I was oh so ready to push this baby out. so I started pushing, now keep in mind that it was my first baby and I was scared, I mean who wouldnt be. I didn't want to do the unthinkable, poop. So gross. And I wasn't pushing fully for the first few pushes because I was so afraid to poop. I kept asking my husband "babe I didn't poop right?" and he said "no babe but just push dont worry about pooping just push him out" so after that little pep talk, I did. I pushed my hardest. and I hear my mom say "he has hair!" and that gave me more incentive to keep pushing and I pushed and pushed and he wasnt coming out. so they had to do it. They cut me. Ugh my other fear. They cut me down to almost my butthole. So so so gross. espeicially for me, I was only 20 years old and my vagina was ruined. Forever. But after they cut me I pushed and his head was out. then the doctor tells me that the cord is wrapped around his neck and she was going to have to cut it so he wouldnt be strangled. so she cut the cord and I pushed one more time and HE WAS OUT!!! THANK GOD!!! Nico Joseph Laspata was born at 6:26pm on June 8, 2011. It was the most magical moment of my life.

The Time Is Near

WARNING!! THESE NEXT FEW POSTS MAY BE GRAPHIC FOR SOME PEOPLE, but for me, it really happened.


So fast forward to June 1, 2011. I was only 4 days away from my due date. And I was feeling nothing. Nothing at all. No contractions nothing. It was horrible. And it was hot. I was miserable, I couldn't sit still but was so big I could barely do anything else. I seriously thought I was going to give birth to a ten pound baby that's how big I was. It was bad. So I wake up on June 5, 2011. My due date. I went on with that day, my bag was packed. I was ready. But he wasn't. No way was he ready to come out. So I had a doctor appointment the next day and I was so ready for him to come I even brought my hospital bag to the doctors office just in case! So she checks me and says "oh your just about one centimeter dilated" and I was like "I'm what!? One centimeter! You've got to be kidding me!?" She said "nope, your just about one" and I thought to myself. Oh my god. I'm going to be pregnant forever!!! So after that disappointing experience we talked about induction. And I said yes! I don't care what you have to do as long as I don't have to get a c-section I'm all for it! So she said they have to call me later and see when the next available day is. And I thought to myself, oh my god they might not get me in for another week!! Are you kidding me! So we left, me in tears telling my husband to just drive me to the hospital and I'll fake contractions until he comes out!  I was so ready beyond belief. So we get home, and a few hours later my phone rings and it's the hospital saying they have an available date on the 7th to come in and they'll start my induction process. I immediately said "yes ill be there!" So we had one day really to get everything ready.
And then it's the 7th at six o clock at night and we show up to the hospital and I have no idea what's going to happen. Sometimes things can go quickly sometimes things take a while. So we're waiting and I got all hooked up to the monitors and everything, all my IVs and everything and the doctor comes in and says "okay so since your not dilated at all really were going to put this thing (CervaDil) behind your cervix and it's going to help you dilate." And I said "okay whatever you have to do" not knowing that this thing was going to be more painful than actually giving birth. This little tiny thing that had medicine in it to help me dilate was the worst thing ever invented, I swear. That whole night from 8 o clock pm to 8 o clock am was the worst experience of my life. Those 12 hours were worse than actually pushing my son out. I didn't know if I had to poop, or throw up or pee. I was shaking from the pain it was so bad and of course I couldn't get an epidural because then it wouldn't work for my actual birthing process, so I just had to grin and bare it. And alls I did that whole night was toss an turn and I think I got about two hours of sleep that night. Man was I exhausted. And I didn't even give birth yet!!!

Swollen

So by this time (around 7-8 months) I was pregnant. Way pregnant. Belly popped, feet are extreamly swollen,and when I say swollen I mean like 3 times their normal size. Its starting to get hot out and I was starting to get uncomfortable. I was ready for the baby to be here. But obviously I still had a few months to go. I was still working two 12 hour days and one 8 hour day. It was starting to drain me. By that time in my pregnancy I just wanted to be a lazy pregnant lady, but that wasn't going to happen. Not no way in hell. We had to start getting things ready for the baby! We set up his crib and his dresser and changing table it was so cute! To think that our little tiny baby was going to be here in just a few months was an overwhelming feeling. But we were ready for the challenge. And a challenge is was going to be.

Packing On The Pounds

So finally after being almost 6 months pregnant I finally got a belly. I was so excited. Partially because I finally started to eat because I stopped throwing up so much, and because the baby was growing and growing! And boy, so was I! After the 24 week mark I started to pack on the pounds. And I wasn't happy about that at all but I wanted a healthy baby. And I didn't care as long as my baby was healthy. I thought to myself, oh I'm going to lose the weight right away (because that's what everyone told me) but I was wrong as so were they. (Now my son is 21 months old and I'm still struggling to lose the weight.) Pregnancy is a wonderful thing. It's scary and beautiful all at the same time. It's unexplainable how you feel when your pregnant. To know that a little tiny human is growing inside of you. It's crazy. I still don't understand how a little tiny egg and a little tiny sperm make such a beautiful and wonderful baby. But it's amazing.

It's A....

So fast forward a few weeks, a lot of throw up, and a lot of sleep it was time to find out what we were having. I always wanted a boy first but obviously I didn't care! As long as its healthy! So we invited my mom and my mother in law to go with us to the ultrasound appointment, and I was so nervous. I wanted a boy so bad but I didn't want to make it seem like it. See around 14 weeks we went and got the ultrasound to make sure the baby didn't have Down syndrome, and it didn't of course but I wanted to get the tests done anyway, the ultrasound tech said that she saw a little tinkle bird in there. And she wasn't positive but she was pretty sure. So we kind of already knew but we still weren't 100% sure! So at the appointment, when we went back in the room and she puts the warm jelly on my belly and starts looking around and she goes "yup it's a boy!!" And we all screamed "yes!" We were so excited beyond belief! We were having a baby, not just a baby but a baby boy! And we decide on a name. It was going to be Nico Joseph. We were so happy we cried. It was amazing.

This is 14 weeks pregnant, before we knew it was definitely a boy.

Tears Of Joy

The next morning was horrible. I felt like I had a major hangover but I obviously didn't because I was pregnant. That's when it started. The vomiting. At first it was only in the morning a few times. And I thought 'oh this is nothing! Only a little morning sickness, I'm sure it'll go away In a week or so' pshhh yea was I wrong. But we'll get to that later on. Now it was time to tell my parents. See, I'm the youngest, and their only girl.  So I knew this was going to be a complete shock to them. Especially since our wedding was next year. So we went over and we sat on my parents couch and My dad wasn't home, thank god. So I told my mom I have something to tell her, and she knew. She gave me "that look" and I said to her "mom, I'm pregnant." And she said " I knew that's why you weren't drinking last night!!" And I said "yea I knew it was going to be obvious!" So she asked me what I was going to do...and I just looked at her like what do you mean? And she said "are you guys going to keep it?" And I said "uhm absolutely yes! I wouldn't be telling you if I was going to get an abortion! (Which I never would)." And she said "okay I was just wondering. I'm happy no matter what you do as long as your happy." So after telling my mom it got easier. And I thought okay I can tell my dad when he comes home. So we waited, which felt like forever for him to come home. And finally he walked in the door and sat down and my mom says to him "hun Melissa and Anthony have something to tell you." And I said "uhm daddy (in a sweet little voice) I'm pregnant." And he just started to cry. And then I started to cry. And I looked up at Anthony and gave him the look. Then my dad hugged me and said "so I'm going to be a grandpop?" And I said "of course!" And he said "I am so excited!" And I felt the world literally lift off my shoulders. Like I knew I could breathe without feeling like I was hiding something from my parents. I felt so much better and so much more relieved about everything. So after telling my mom and dad telling my brother and his girlfriend was going to be a piece of cake. So when my brother got to my parents house I just came out and told him and he was so excited and his girlfriend (my maid of honor) was so excited as well and now she had to help plan a baby shower as well as a wedding shower and help me with everything for my wedding! She was more overwhelmed than I was! But it was great. Then we started enjoying the pregnancy now that basically everyone knew, besides my husbands entire family which didn't take long for them to find out. We told them all within the next few days. (It took a little while considering my husband is one of six children.) But they were all so excited to welcome another baby Laspata into the world.

No drinks for this Mama

So a few weeks went by and it was time for our engagement party.  We were also in the middle of doing our pre marital classes for our church. It was a weekend thing and it just happened to be the same weekend as our engagement party. Yay lucky us. We were dealing with a lot. The early stages of my pregnancy weren't bad until I was about 11 weeks. Then I started to feel sick. Not just in the morning but all day and all night. If I wasn't sleeping then I felt sick. So getting ready for our party was hard. And considering the fact that no one knew yet, made it more difficult. And the tiredness is unbearable. Alls I wanted to do was sleep. And I couldn't because I was working a full time job, still getting ready for our party and now that I was pregnant I was just exhausted. So the day of our engagement party I wasn't feeling good at all. I felt like absolute crap. Not throwing up yet but just feeling like crap. That's basically what my pregnancy felt like until I was about 7 months pregnant. I just felt horrible. So in the morning we had our classes then we had to rush home and get ready for this party. Luckily my in laws were very helpful. So we're getting ready and my husband says to his mother "mom, Melissa's pregnant." And she looks at me and said "seriously?" And I just looked at her my eyes started to well up and I shook my head yes. She gave me a huge hug and told me that she was so excited! I was relieved. I knew she wasn't going to be mad but I just didn't want anyone to be disappointed. My sister in law was there also so we told her as well. She was very very excited also! So I started to feel better about everything. Not telling my father in law yet, we told him the following day and he was probably the most excited of all. He's such an amazing father and grandfather to all of his kids and grand kids.
So later on the party started. And everyone wanted to do toasts and shots and all that fun stuff and I had to make up excuses and walk away obviously because no one knew I was pregnant! I knew some people kinda knew something was up but they weren't going to say anything then. We discussed on whether or not just telling everyone then but I wanted to tell my parents alone. I didn't want them thinking they weren't important enough to tell by ourselves. So the party went on, and on and on.

The First Time

So after finding out that I was carrying a baby my husband and I talked. And we decided right away that we were going to be parents. No ifs ands or buts about it. We were in a committed relationship and we were getting married so a baby didn't seem too far fetched. So the next day was Monday. And I knew I had to make the dreaded call to my gynecologist. So I called and she asked me when I found out I was pregnant and I told her 'yesterday' and she asked me when my last period was and I said "I'm no sure probably six weeks or so ago" so she said "okay we'll make an appointment for next week because we usually don't see patients until they're about 8 weeks." So I said "okay sounds good." So for the next week and a half I had to wonder if the baby was okay, if it was growing right...the thoughts start running through my head but I knew I couldn't stress out because in a few weeks we were having our engagement party. So we had to keep quiet just until we went to the doctor to make sure everything's okay. So days went by and we didn't tell anyone anything. And finally it was time to go to the doctors office. I was going to see my baby for he first time. I was overwhelmed with joy, fear, happiness, all of the emotions. So she puts the gel on my belly and says "how far along are you?" And I said to her "I'm really not sure I think about 8 weeks?" So she said "we will see!" So up on the screen there it was. A little tiny baby peanut looking baby. She measured the baby and said "actually your about 10 weeks and 6 days!" That's almost 11 weeks pregnant. That's almost three months pregnant! How did I not know? What if my baby wasn't getting the proper nutrition it needed? I just cried because I was so scared. But the nurse reassured me that the baby was fine. I was so relieved. I fell in love instantly with that little tiny peanut baby on the screen. Of course we asked if she could tell the sex of the baby and she said "no way you have a while until we can tell!" So we just laughed. She printed out pictures and gave them to us. We were so amazed. We created that. We are having a baby. I was so excited I wanted to tell everyone! But I knew I had to wait until I was 12 weeks pregnant. That's the safe thing to do. So home we went to my husbands parents house and we just talked the whole way home about names and where were going to live, what are we going to do about the wedding, everything. We talked and talked and talked. That's really all you can do when you're in the early stages of pregnancy. Things were changing, for the better.

The Truth About Pregnancy

My story -

It was Sunday. A day we usually slept in and did nothing. But I woke up early that morning with the weirdest feeling in my gut. I knew it. I was pregnant. I had not taken a test yet but I knew it. So I woke my husband (fiance at the time) up and I said "I want to go take this pregnancy test. Something doesn't feel right" and he "okay let's go." So we headed upstairs and I peed on the stick. I washed my hands and flushed the toilet and by the time I was done that, one line came up. And I thought to myself okay I'm good. Then no more than a few seconds later I looked down again and another line came up. It was a bit fuzzy. So I looked up at Anthony (my husband) and I said "MY DRESS!!" See the thing is, is that we got engaged in April of 2010. And I had our whole wedding planned by the end of August 2010. (The big stuff at least.) So after that second fuzzy line came up I knew I had to take one again but obviously it couldn't be right then. I just peed. So I knew I had to go the whole day wondering if I was pregnant. If I was ready to be a mom. Still not knowing 100% if I was in fact pregnant. So that day went on, we didn't talk much that day we just kind of laid in our bed watching tv not doing anything. So a few hours went by and I said to Anthony "I think I want to take another test." And upstairs we went, I peed on the stick and it was instant. Two lines right away. And I knew it. I knew I was pregnant. That day changed my life forever and I will never forget it.

Introduction

So let me start off my saying Hello, I'm Melissa. A 22 year old mama and married woman. Yes I'm young, and no I don't feel it. I feel like a 30 year old woman in a 22 year olds body. But that's okay. I always felt older than I am. I've always been motherly, to say the least. So I just want to say that this is MY story about my pregnancy and my mothering experience. I know every pregnancy is different and no two women are the same but I feel that I am a pretty average person and I share a lot of the same similarities with a lot of people. This is not an advice column, but I am always willing to give anyone advice when needed. I don't think I am 'super mom' but honestly in a child's eyes, their mother is the most important person in their life. And I plan on it staying that way with my son.